to young girls who think it would be great to date an older guy:

I understand. you think they’re more mature and less annoying than guys your age. you think that an older guy choosing to date you would mean that you’re mature yourself, and very special because they made an exception for you. you think it would mean being with someone who cares for you, protects you, teaches you things, and loves you in a way that someone your age couldn’t, because older guys have had more experience with all of those things.

here’s why that’s not true:

older guys date younger girls for a reason. that reason is because they haven’t been able to get dates with girls their own age, and they want someone more naive. they can’t date girls their own age because those girls have had more experience with bad relationships, and know how to recognise red flags. those girls are older, wiser, pickier, and put up with less crap, which is absolutely fantastic and which we all need to learn to do (and which is one of many reasons why friendships between younger girls and older girls/women are so important; they will teach you how to recognise the red flags).

maybe these older guys want to take advantage of the fact that you probably don’t have a ton of confidence yet in being able to say no (or in being able to tell when you need to say no). maybe they just enjoy being able to seem like good boyfriends despite putting in minimal effort, because your lack of experience with relationships can mean that your expectations are very low (through no fault of your own). maybe they just want someone to mansplain to all day (and never talk about your interests) because they know you think they’re super smart because they’re older. maybe they feel like they can “mould” you into their idea of the perfect girlfriend because you’re more impressionable. whatever the specific reasons, they’re Not Good.

so if you want to date, please, please date someone close to your own age (or don’t date anyone if you don’t want to or if no one around you interests you; that’s 100% fine too. there are lots of other forms of love in your life besides sexual/romantic!!!). people your own age are more likely to have a similar amount of experience to you, and since you’ll both be pretty clueless, neither of you will have a huge advantage over the other in that respect (which is a good thing, because the more equal partners are, the better). and being clueless isn’t so bad; if you both like and respect each other, and if you stay reasonably up to date with each other about what each of you wants and how each of you is feeling, you’ll be just fine.

please don’t rush into something just for the sake of having a relationship, or because you don’t want to feel left behind. I didn’t have my first relationship until I was 25, and I didn’t have my first GOOD relationship until I was 27. you have lots of time. ❤

(note: I’m specifying girls and guys here because this issue seems to be particularly prevalent in that combination of people, and because there are added power imbalances in those cases beyond just the age difference because sex/gender inequality is regrettably still a thing, and because society tends to raise girls to be more accommodating/loving/trusting etc. I don’t mean to ignore or erase this issue in any other sex/gender combination, e.g. older gay men with younger gay men, but I also have more insight into this specific situation than I do into any similar ones)